[it honestly amazes gansey a bit how quickly kieren has caught onto his moods. or he's much more transparent than he used to be, but he doesn't really think so. the other boy just pays attention in a gentle sort of way.
his shoulders slump as kieren holds his arms, and he'll be able to feel gansey's muscles loosening a bit. not enough to drop carra, but enough that some tension is leaving him.]
One of my friends from home arrived. He...
[hell, what does he even say.]
He's not very emotionally secure. And assumed I'd just replaced him. With you. Which I haven't, by the way.
[he knows kieren knows that. he's just wound up.]
We worked it out, but he said some things, and...I don't really understand why he'd even want to be my friend if he thinks I'm that awful a person. Why he brought me back at all.
(Not transparent at all. Or maybe Gansey just doesn't bother as much to keep up such a refined wall. Kieren had no interest in such things. If they were going to be honest with one another, they may as well go all the way.
He's glad to at least feel some tension leave.
That tension seems to transfer into Kieren at the mention of a friend arriving.)
Oh....(That. That was...unexpected. And upsetting.)
I'm sorry to cause a rift between you two. (Because it wasn't in Kieren's nature to cause problems like that)
I know. You're not that sort of bloke. (To be so senseless with people. Kieren gently removes Carra from Gansey's arms so that he could instead wrap his arms up around Gansey and pull him close, tucking Gansey's face against his shoulder.)
Because I'm sure he does care deeply about you. I think this is one of those tricky situations where he cares so much he might be letting his own thoughts catch up to him. I understand a little. I get anxious too about silly things...I'm sure he loves you, Gansey. Maybe he's insecure. No one would bring someone back from the dead if they didn't love them.
[it's probably the latter, honestly. gansey doesn't feel like he has to try so hard with kieren. he's already seen some of the worst he has to offer.]
No. It's not you. It's just even the idea that set him off, which is so stupid and unfair. There's not actually a limit on the number of friends I can have.
[he leans into kieren, arms wrapping tight around his ribs, so much different than the fragile-bird hug he'd exchanged with adam. kieren isn't fragile, or at least not in the same way. gansey can lean into him, and he can lean into gansey, and both are all right. he lets the words wash over him.]
You're probably right. He just. Well. Adam can be cruel when he's feeling defensive. And I've lived a whole extra year of life at home than he has, which is...awkward.
[he sighs, and hugs kieren just a little tighter, deeply grateful.]
I missed them, but I guess I forgot how difficult it can be. Like a group of porcupines who love each other, but keep getting stabbed just trying to get along.
It is a little unfair. (A little childish, a little selfish, but Kieren also wasn't the kind of person who feeds into someone's rift with another person. He had no interest in pitting friends against friends. But he was going to be honest too, and honestly, it was a little unfair.
Gansey was allowed to make new friends after all. He was allowed to not be alone in this world- and not just Deerington.
Kieren raises a hand to slide it through Gansey's hair in an attempt to comfort him.)
Ah. I understand that. My sister is a bit like that. She's real hot-headed and aggressive, but I think part of that reason is because she loves so brilliantly that everything she feels is ...extreme. People can't help it. Not that it necessarily makes it right but...
(He gets it. He kisses the top of Gansey's head and leans back, cupping his hand against the side of Gansey's head, tipping it up so they could look at each other proper.)
It'll be okay, Gansey. Let him know how his cruelty makes you feel. Everyone can improve- even if his feelings come from a good place. I'm sorry it's difficult. But. Well. You've got me, all right?
[gansey nods along to kieren's description of his sister.]
Adam's family is awful. Just completely awful. Mostly his father, I think, but his mother never protected him, either. So he's not great at friendship, especially the trust part. He's also brilliant and quick-thinking and driven, but extreme is a good word.
[he lifts his head with kieren's hand and smiles.]
We had it out. Maybe not the worst fight, but close. I think he gets it now, but it's going to be a process. [his smile brightens.] I do have you. And you're pretty great, I have to say. [he pinches kieren's cheek, but then ends up holding it instead.]
I know this is a pretty huge ask after what I just said, but...I'd like you to meet him. You're important to me, and he's important to me, and he's just going to have to get used to that. It's fine if you don't want to. I don't expect you to bend over backwards or anything.
(And Kieren did. He wasn't just saying that. Rick's father had been...Not abusive, maybe, but he was the reason Rick was how he was. Rick had a lot of problems.
He is glad to see Gansey brightening, and even tolerates his cheek being pinched. Gosh. Amy would love Gansey if only because they both were interested in pinching his cheeks. What was that about.)
Only pretty great, he says. (Kieren rolls his eyes, but there's not a lick of heat in it.
He raises both his brows and snorts outright at Gansey.)
Bloody hell, Gansey. It's just meeting a boy. It's quite all right. No part of me is bending over anything at all to meet your friend. He seems lovely, if only a teensy problematic. But who isn't? If he's important to you then I'd be honored to meet him.
[but he honestly looks surprised when kieren is enthused about meeting adam, which probably speaks to what he's used to in friend introductions. then he grins.]
Well, yes, just meeting a boy, right. Reasonable people do this all the time. [he laughs a little.] You're amazing, Kieren. Everything seems terrible and then you say two things and it's just all right back in proportion. Is lunch tomorrow all right? I'm a terrible roommate who hasn't memorized your class schedule yet, but I figured the college is about as unassuming and neutral as it gets.
(Oh, if Kieren were able to blush, he would be showing some rather convincing color right then and there. Thankfully he's not capable anymore and can take this in stride instead.)
They do. It's this odd thing called socializing. Perhaps you've heard of it? (He's teasing Gansey. Even raises a hand to gently tuck some hair back from his face. Ah. There it is. Another moment where he badly wanted to blush. The only true benefit of being dead was clearly saving face in front of cute boys.)
Ah. (Kieren blinks and stares at Gansey.)
Lunch would be fine if it weren't for the whole eating part. I suppose I can always say I ate before. I hope it won't make me seem rude.
[gansey smiles, amused, which probably wouldn't help the blushing problem kieren doesn't currently have.]
Social...iz...ing? Nope, never heard of it. What a strange concept.
[gansey's hair is getting a bit long, but he's still at the stage of looking handsomely scruffy instead of unkempt.]
Oh, lord, I'm sorry.[he smacks his own forehead, feeling genuinely stupid for having forgotten.] I have his schedule, though. We can make it after lunchtime, so no eating necessary.
Well over in England where real civilized people live it's where blokes sometimes go out together to chum around. Sometimes friendships are even made. Really quite exotic, I know.
(Kieren was fairly certain that there was very little Gansey could do to look anything less than unfairly gorgeous. Including getting a bit of a mop.
Kieren laughs at Gansey's reaction, patting his arm.)
That's okay, Gansey. You living people are so focused on food it's almost like one would suspect you need it to survive or something. Odd.
It might be a little fake. I have a grand total of three friends and one is my sister. (Now wait a second....) Sorry. Four including you.
(Kieren angles his head, smiling faintly at the fact that Gansey's hand was still covering his face. Stop that, you. He reaches out to gently pry Gansey's hand down and away from his face.)
I'm very flattered that you don't think particularly hard about the state of my heart rate, yes. I do so appreciate it when people treat me regularly.
That's exactly how many I've got, including my sister, and you can see how well the ones who aren't you can go, so as far as I'm concerned, you're doing brilliantly.
[gansey seems to have no intention of uncovering his face until kieren pries his hand away. it doesn't take that much doing, but gansey still has an embarrassed blush high up on his cheeks. he tries very hard to be mindful of kieren's condition, but it's also become increasingly easy for gansey to forget that kieren's not a normal living person with very cold hands.]
Good, even if I still feel like a bit of an ass. I'll try not to make any more meal dates.
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his shoulders slump as kieren holds his arms, and he'll be able to feel gansey's muscles loosening a bit. not enough to drop carra, but enough that some tension is leaving him.]
One of my friends from home arrived. He...
[hell, what does he even say.]
He's not very emotionally secure. And assumed I'd just replaced him. With you. Which I haven't, by the way.
[he knows kieren knows that. he's just wound up.]
We worked it out, but he said some things, and...I don't really understand why he'd even want to be my friend if he thinks I'm that awful a person. Why he brought me back at all.
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He's glad to at least feel some tension leave.
That tension seems to transfer into Kieren at the mention of a friend arriving.)
Oh....(That. That was...unexpected. And upsetting.)
I'm sorry to cause a rift between you two. (Because it wasn't in Kieren's nature to cause problems like that)
I know. You're not that sort of bloke. (To be so senseless with people. Kieren gently removes Carra from Gansey's arms so that he could instead wrap his arms up around Gansey and pull him close, tucking Gansey's face against his shoulder.)
Because I'm sure he does care deeply about you. I think this is one of those tricky situations where he cares so much he might be letting his own thoughts catch up to him. I understand a little. I get anxious too about silly things...I'm sure he loves you, Gansey. Maybe he's insecure. No one would bring someone back from the dead if they didn't love them.
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No. It's not you. It's just even the idea that set him off, which is so stupid and unfair. There's not actually a limit on the number of friends I can have.
[he leans into kieren, arms wrapping tight around his ribs, so much different than the fragile-bird hug he'd exchanged with adam. kieren isn't fragile, or at least not in the same way. gansey can lean into him, and he can lean into gansey, and both are all right. he lets the words wash over him.]
You're probably right. He just. Well. Adam can be cruel when he's feeling defensive. And I've lived a whole extra year of life at home than he has, which is...awkward.
[he sighs, and hugs kieren just a little tighter, deeply grateful.]
I missed them, but I guess I forgot how difficult it can be. Like a group of porcupines who love each other, but keep getting stabbed just trying to get along.
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Gansey was allowed to make new friends after all. He was allowed to not be alone in this world- and not just Deerington.
Kieren raises a hand to slide it through Gansey's hair in an attempt to comfort him.)
Ah. I understand that. My sister is a bit like that. She's real hot-headed and aggressive, but I think part of that reason is because she loves so brilliantly that everything she feels is ...extreme. People can't help it. Not that it necessarily makes it right but...
(He gets it. He kisses the top of Gansey's head and leans back, cupping his hand against the side of Gansey's head, tipping it up so they could look at each other proper.)
It'll be okay, Gansey. Let him know how his cruelty makes you feel. Everyone can improve- even if his feelings come from a good place. I'm sorry it's difficult. But. Well. You've got me, all right?
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Adam's family is awful. Just completely awful. Mostly his father, I think, but his mother never protected him, either. So he's not great at friendship, especially the trust part. He's also brilliant and quick-thinking and driven, but extreme is a good word.
[he lifts his head with kieren's hand and smiles.]
We had it out. Maybe not the worst fight, but close. I think he gets it now, but it's going to be a process. [his smile brightens.] I do have you. And you're pretty great, I have to say. [he pinches kieren's cheek, but then ends up holding it instead.]
I know this is a pretty huge ask after what I just said, but...I'd like you to meet him. You're important to me, and he's important to me, and he's just going to have to get used to that. It's fine if you don't want to. I don't expect you to bend over backwards or anything.
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(And Kieren did. He wasn't just saying that. Rick's father had been...Not abusive, maybe, but he was the reason Rick was how he was. Rick had a lot of problems.
He is glad to see Gansey brightening, and even tolerates his cheek being pinched. Gosh. Amy would love Gansey if only because they both were interested in pinching his cheeks. What was that about.)
Only pretty great, he says. (Kieren rolls his eyes, but there's not a lick of heat in it.
He raises both his brows and snorts outright at Gansey.)
Bloody hell, Gansey. It's just meeting a boy. It's quite all right. No part of me is bending over anything at all to meet your friend. He seems lovely, if only a teensy problematic. But who isn't? If he's important to you then I'd be honored to meet him.
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[but he honestly looks surprised when kieren is enthused about meeting adam, which probably speaks to what he's used to in friend introductions. then he grins.]
Well, yes, just meeting a boy, right. Reasonable people do this all the time. [he laughs a little.] You're amazing, Kieren. Everything seems terrible and then you say two things and it's just all right back in proportion. Is lunch tomorrow all right? I'm a terrible roommate who hasn't memorized your class schedule yet, but I figured the college is about as unassuming and neutral as it gets.
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(Oh, if Kieren were able to blush, he would be showing some rather convincing color right then and there. Thankfully he's not capable anymore and can take this in stride instead.)
They do. It's this odd thing called socializing. Perhaps you've heard of it? (He's teasing Gansey. Even raises a hand to gently tuck some hair back from his face. Ah. There it is. Another moment where he badly wanted to blush. The only true benefit of being dead was clearly saving face in front of cute boys.)
Ah. (Kieren blinks and stares at Gansey.)
Lunch would be fine if it weren't for the whole eating part. I suppose I can always say I ate before. I hope it won't make me seem rude.
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[gansey smiles, amused, which probably wouldn't help the blushing problem kieren doesn't currently have.]
Social...iz...ing? Nope, never heard of it. What a strange concept.
[gansey's hair is getting a bit long, but he's still at the stage of looking handsomely scruffy instead of unkempt.]
Oh, lord, I'm sorry.[he smacks his own forehead, feeling genuinely stupid for having forgotten.] I have his schedule, though. We can make it after lunchtime, so no eating necessary.
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(Kieren was fairly certain that there was very little Gansey could do to look anything less than unfairly gorgeous. Including getting a bit of a mop.
Kieren laughs at Gansey's reaction, patting his arm.)
That's okay, Gansey. You living people are so focused on food it's almost like one would suspect you need it to survive or something. Odd.
(He doesn't want Gansey to feel bad.)
That sounds fine. Whenever works for me.
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[he'd get a trim, but he's heard Things about the hair salon. screamy, cagey things.]
Is it a compliment or an insult to say that I forget you aren't also living people?
[he asks this from behind his hand.]
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(Kieren angles his head, smiling faintly at the fact that Gansey's hand was still covering his face. Stop that, you. He reaches out to gently pry Gansey's hand down and away from his face.)
I'm very flattered that you don't think particularly hard about the state of my heart rate, yes. I do so appreciate it when people treat me regularly.
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[gansey seems to have no intention of uncovering his face until kieren pries his hand away. it doesn't take that much doing, but gansey still has an embarrassed blush high up on his cheeks. he tries very hard to be mindful of kieren's condition, but it's also become increasingly easy for gansey to forget that kieren's not a normal living person with very cold hands.]
Good, even if I still feel like a bit of an ass. I'll try not to make any more meal dates.